Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones, as the wind blows out the candle and fans the bonfire.

If you're a regular reader of my blog and Facebook but I'm sure you've noticed some strange changes.

Things were going well with new guy. I like him. He was cool, funny, smart, sweet. So many things I wanted in a man. We were hitting it off. But he did have some negatives that weren't deal breakers but they made me wonder. He is 29 but I'd often think "oh yeah your ARE 29" sometimes I'd feel as if he was younger. He is very proud of his muscles and physique. That made me think he could be vain and narcissistic, maybe even a show off. He lived in Dallas. I can't ever remember being in a long distance relationship and I don't think I'd handle one very well. I like to spend time with my guy. He seemed very busy. If I didn't get to see him, I'd really want to talk to him but would he have time for that/me?

In the process of getting to know each other. I still had feelings for my ex Kevin. I didn't want too. I wished I didn't. But no one can control their heart. I was cleaning my car and apartment and I found MORE stuff that was Kevin's. While we weren't talking because it was to painful for me. Every now and then we'd texted each other. I let him know I had some more stuff to give him. (when you're together as long as we've been its hard to detangle your lives.) He asked me to lunch.

I was really awkward at first. I didn't know what to say, what to do. I certainly couldn't let him know that I was happy to see him and missed him. He asked me about new guy. I had posted a blog about him before I made it private. ( I forgot. I knew Kevin read my blog. I know he knew how I felt about our break up. That's why I had to make it private.) I started to tell him about new guy. He told me about his prospects. (That sucked) As the lunch went on, we both relaxed and opened up out what happened. Lots of things were different. We had a conversation that didn't end in a fight or someone mad or hurt. We were able to see the other person's point of view. We understood how the other felt. We discovered we both still had feelings for each other. (I knew I did, but I had no idea he did. I think he was surprised he did too. LOL)

In the time we were apart. We had time to reflect, grow and change. Thing that we pointed out in the other that we couldn't see. They were valid points. I could see how my actions contributed to the demise of the relationship. (I was jealous, I lost my spark, I could be a "mean girl" at times) He saw where he went wrong. And apologized! That meant so much to me. We hadn't had that good a time in a LONG time. He asked me out on a date. I said yes. (very hesitantly but still yes) That was our first real date. ever! When we met, we were classmates that got along. I'd help him with his Comp II papers. Later we were school friends. We'd see each other around and say "hi". Then he was my math tutor. We would stay in the library after class and he'd help me. Then we started hanging out more and longer. We just fell into being a couple. Our feelings became strong and apparent. We never actually "dated".

That was the best date ever! We had so much fun. We laughed we talked sooooo much like the way we used to in the beginning. It was wonderful. We spend the next day together too. Its officially been over a week. We've seen each other a lot and talked a lot. Not just about fun silly stuff. About the hard stuff, the stuff that lead to our break up. The stuff that we wanted in a partner. Kevin opened up to me in a way that he hadn't before. So many things changed in that time, lots of revelations for both of us. We are better people and happier with ourselves. We decided that we wanted to give it another try (yesterday). We both think we are too good together to give up. Things are much different in our dynamic. SO MUCH CHANGED for the better!

I haven't had the chance to let new guy down yet. I haven't be able to talk to him. He'd call when I can't talk or if I call/text he doesn't answer. He may be sensing that I've pulled away. I'd hate to leave him hanging but I can't get a hold of him.